Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
