you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
