I am midnight drunk by noon
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
