Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
