The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
