Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
