I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
