I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
