I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pants are for mortals
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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