thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize