We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize