whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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