I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
