so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
