Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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