after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
