I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
