Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
