I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
