just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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