just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
