Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
