You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
