Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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