Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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