none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
