Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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