Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
