Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
