Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
