thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
