I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
