As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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