Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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