At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
