Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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