I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
