dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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