I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize