I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
