FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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