I skipped work to stalk him.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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