Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
