Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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