Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You've changed since you got that strap on
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
