two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
