i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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