I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
