My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My life is pants optional.
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