I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's the barista slut.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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