i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize