i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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