the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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