Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
