dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
