dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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