you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I did not marry a roomba.
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