Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
