As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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