he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
