I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
