just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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