I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
