Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize