false alarm. still invincible.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
