He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
