I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
