fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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